Saturday, September 14, 2013

who we are six years later

 Ready for a sappy lovey post?

August 2007

About six years ago,
I was living in LA with my cousin, helping with her children and new baby.  Kent was going to school in Rexburg, Idaho.  We were dating (long-distance, woo hoo).
I remember talking to my dad on the phone one day, and he asked me if I was going to marry Kent,
and I took a deep breath and said,
That was the first time I'd admitted it to anyone, even to myself.

Now, getting over my fears about making the right choice and that commitment took several more months for me, but that's another story for another time.

It's been six and half years since then. 
We've got a lot of growing ahead of us. I still feel incredibly young and inexperienced sometimes.  

But we are not the same boy and girl we were six years ago.
June 2007

Five things I love about my marriage:

1. We're partners
When we first got married we bought a frame for a painting we'd bought on our honeymoon. 
It wasn't an exact fit, and getting that canvas into the frame, and then the frame onto the wall was a bit of a challenge.
I don't even remember what happened exactly. We each had our opinions about the best way to get it done, and we didn't know how to make those ideas work together. I just remember I ended up crying. Not because of anything Kent had said or done, but because I jumped to eternal conclusions, thinking, we're never going to learn how to work together-we're doomed! 

If I could go back to that moment, I'd tell myself  "chill out, Girl." 
If we were to attempt that same task now, I'd trim the canvas and make it work into the frame, Kent would help me figure out the best place to hang it up, he'd measure, and I'd hang. 
We know our strengths and we know how to combine them to get things done most effectively and efficiently.
I know that Kent works best on his own-no input or distractions from anyone. 
We know which person likes which chores best, and we work together in a happy balance as we take care of the kids, our home, and our family. 

August 2007-right after he proposed

2. We communicate
I learned early on to tell Kent exactly what I was thinking. None of that "You need to just figure out why I'm upset" stuff.  If I need something or feel hurt because of something, I just tell him straight.  And because of this, I've gotten even better now at labeling what I'm feeling and why

I've also learned that if we're tired or hungry or it's late at night, it's best to just let the problem wait--get some sleep (or some food) and in the morning the world seems much brighter.

Learning to communicate has not only helped us quickly work through disagreements but it has helped me feel more confident and emotionally stable (which is hard as girl sometimes!).

We talk.  Probably more than Kent likes, actually. But we aren't afraid of bringing up things that we need to discuss, whether they are about parenting, finances, or even just little things that need to be changed. 

We also talk to each other about our new ideas, our happy moments, our dreams.

We are honest. Completely and fully honest.  And we never doubt each other.

May 2007
3. We "get" each other. 
I know that Kent likes his hamburger bun toasted.  He likes his drinks extra cold.  He likes to sleep with the fan on (even in the winter.)  On Saturdays when he gets to sleep in he likes to listen to music while he takes a shower. 
He knows I don't like doing the dishes. He knows I like twizzlers slightly better than redvines. He knows I love to see pretty things.  He knows sometimes I say things I don't really mean when I'm upset; and he can call me out, bring me back to rationality when I start to get ridiculous. 
We know each other.
We love each other just the way we are, but we also know when to be the voice for the other that says "I know you can be better than this-step up and move on."    
January 1st, 2010
4. We're friends
We have our little jokes.  We see things sometimes that are only funny to us and just look at each other and laugh without having to talk about it.  We love to go places together, try new things and have adventures.  
We like to be with each other. 
We don't like to do all the same things all the time---he loves his movies and computers and I love books and music, etc--but I think that makes us even more interesting as friends.
Also, we do our very best to be nice to each other.  We (mostly me) sometimes say or do things in stressful moments that aren't the kindest, but because we are friends we are able to start over, try again, and forgive and move on.  

May 2013-in Mexico
5. We love each other and we show it.
This one can be harder for us to practice in the day-to-day grind.  The kids, the house, the work of our daily lives takes most of our focus and energy. 
But we love each other.  
And maybe some days that love comes in the form of Kent loading the dishwasher and picking up the living room clutter while I'm singing a bedtime song to the kids.   Or in me remembering he mentioned how much he wanted a particular meal and making it for him.  He encourages me to go out and have a girl's night with friends.  I let him take a couple of hours to play a game on the computer when he wants to unwind, and maybe even take him a cold rootbeer while he plays.  
Tiny little things that do a lot to show love.  

Six years isn't that long, I know.  But a lot of big things have happened the past six years (two children, college graduations, two homes, three jobs), and I am proud of us, of what we've learned and how we've grown. 
I am proud of how we feel about each other even still, our connection, friendship, and love.  And when you look at how much of the world feels about marriage today, 
well six years is actually a pretty big deal.  

And it is especially nice to look at what we have and feel just so blessed.  As life happens, challenges come and go and time goes on, I feel even more grateful that I married Kent.  With him, I find myself.  I feel safe, connected, grounded, and encouraged.  

Marriage is good. Very, very good.   

1 comment:

Creole Wisdom said...

Becca, I love this! What a beautiful post. I think these are all excellent things. From a single person's perspective... marriage seems both exciting, mysterious and frightening all at once! I love your advice to yourself "chill out, girl." I think you should cross stitch that, great advice for all of us!

And I also believe food + sleep heals just about anything.